Poor BeefPieBear! Take an aging 55 year old overweight Bear, fire up some 130 Beats-Per-Minute thumping music, and put him in the hands of a championship Mixed Martial Artist instructor and watch him start sweating like a pig in 10 minutes or less. Equipped with hand towel, bath towel and a spare tank T-shirt, it doesn't help. Everything, EVERYTHING ends up drenched in sweat before the hours over. This is Satan's way of telling me I need to quit smoking, eat less, eliminate caffeine and sodium from my diet - amongst other things.

Enter the world of Paul Hoyos who offers Cardio Kickboxing classes at both Fitness SF Gym SOMA (South of Market area downtown) and up at the Market Street Fitness SF in the Castro San Francisco. It goes something like this:

"Jab, jab, hook! Jab, jab, hook! Upper cut, upper cut, left hook, right hook! Knee up, duck down, back kick, front kick, regroup!"

Rinse. Lather. Repeat.



Who knew there was such a Punch-You-In-The-Face-Mutha-Fukkah! MONSTER lurking inside the otherwise Gentle Bear I tend to be?!? In spite of my numb, bum leg and possessing the limited kicking range of a stubby-legged CORGI DOG -- I give it my all. And so does everybody else in class. About 30 minutes into the hour, even the mildest mannered of us turn into aggressive 'BRING IT BEE-OTCH!' combatants facing themselves in the classroom mirror. And all the latent life-hostility we harbor finds release through fitness.

Ah, but all good things must come to an end. Just as I'm really getting into that whole Full Frontal Assault groove, I'll be heading back to Palm Springs for decidedly tamer fitness classes next week. It's been a blast hanging out in The Castro for a month and then some. Next trip to SF - I'll definitely plan it around HIS classes.

Beef Tags: mma conditioning, kickboxing, martial arts, fitness sf, paul hoyos