Is Lucas Parker Gay - Or Just A Fit Furry And Fabulous Bear?
Any Gay muscle blogger worth his salt monitors his website stats to see what search terms lead traffic to his blog. You wouldn't believe the weird, kinky and perverted things you guys type into Google, Yahoo and Bing that leads you to BeefPieBears Big Gay Hairy MuscleBear Blog!
Reviewing the web stats of a friend of mine who runs a Queer culture blog of his own - Steven Michael's Gay Celebrity News - reveals a common trend: "Is [Insert Actor, Politican, Musician, Athlete's Name Here…] Gay?" - It's something people search for and apparently want to know. Even if they AREN'T, like Ethel Merman and Kermit The Frog, or Ellen Degeneres and Rummelsnuff - who are.
Poor Lucas Parker! -- Whom I honestly admire for his CrossFit Games athletic prowess ten times more than I do his gorgeous dark red beard or furry, thick neck. More than his muscular, hairy Bear body. More than the way he absolutely rocks swimwear when he's wearing a Lycra Spandex Mens Speedo Bulge Bikini Brief. Ultimately it is his athleticism that I admire MOST. Simple as that.
But that's what happens when you're in the camera's spotlight: The rest of the world begins to wonder who and what you really are behind the fame and notoriety you might achieve doing your thing for the world to see.
So as to the question: Is Lucas Parker Gay? I can tell you this: I have NO idea.
1. He's never asked ME out for a date, so that probably tells you something.
2. If he tried to out-muscle me, wrestle me down and lock lips for a bristly bearded session of sucking face, I would probably succumb, get all giddy, blush and act stoopid. Exceptionally strong men make me weak. Go figure.
3. He might be too young for me anyways. Even though he's a manly, hairy Gorilla of a MuscleBear physically at age 24, he probably isn't quite mature enough emotionally to handle going 1-on-1 with the greying old Daddy Bear that The BeefPie has become. Honestly, I tend to like my Bears tough, old and chewy with a diverse range of life scars under their belt.
4. Even if he was Gay, I wouldn't be the one to Out him. We all find our own ways of expressing our identities and interests - On Our Own Terms.
5. If Lucas has a girlfriend - She might beat me up for even broaching the subject - and I'm scared of girls, especially angry ones!!!
Other than that, Lucas has simply been drawn into the Search Engine algo quagmire of a Gay Blog where I've mentioned his YouTube and Crossfit Games videos - In admiration only, with nothing more implied.
This post is ultimately more about the nature of the internet, Search Engine leverage, Social Media Marketing, and Link-Bait techniques that drive so much of what we see and share on FaceBook, Twitter and beyond. When I'm not torturing myself at the gym, I'm also a 'Bearsploitation Specialist' who uses the internet to lure and reel the innocent in with tasty, hairy, beefy, bearded Gay muscle BEAR-BAIT to keep my face fed when I have the chance. I mean after all, you are here reading this post right now, aren't you? It guess works.
Last thing: Even if Lucas was my boyfriend, I probably couldn't resist Trimming His Bushy Beard -- just a little bit. You know, pinning little Bear Boys down, taking a hair-clipper to their furry-bits and sayin'; "Hold still and quit squirmin', Boy!" is fun. I get off on that sort of thing...